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pilgrimkitty:

unbucaneve:

jenesaispourquoi:

professorsparklepants:

Why does everyone say “house-wife” or “house-husband” when “House-spouse” is not only gender neutral, but also RHYMES?

the prof asks the important questions.

Wait, spouse rhymes with house? I always pronounced it ‘spooze’ in my head /o\ WHY IS YOUR LANGUAGE SO WEIRD!!!

Because English beats up other languages in dark alleys, then rifles through their pockets for loose grammar and spare vocabulary.

suluboo:

relationship tip #78: ‘babe’ and ‘baby’ are cliche and outdated. try a fun new nickname such as ‘lieutenant’ instead 

ohyeselifresh:

my neck

my back

my pizza

and my snacks

glutenfreewaffles:

if you’ve ever wanted a gif of Marilyn Manson pushing Chris Evans well here u go
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force-recon:

So that just happened.
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America makes the most tit hiders in the world and that bums me out because tits are nice.

partybarackisinthehousetonight:

911 hey i hate to be “that guy” but i glued myself to the ceiling again